I want music. Not just any music, though. I want YOUR music. That's right, other countries besides the USA, I want YOU to give me your music.
There is an evil force in the world called iTunes. It does not want me to have your music. It wants me to have a valid billing address in your country avant d'avoir acces to your music. Why?
Because it can. (I ignore the fact that there might be another, eviller force behind iTunes concerning the free trade of music between countries). iTunes, you represent the new age of music, for better or worse, and I am disappointed. I am. Severely. The wrath of your denial makes me sad on the inside.
I WANT MUSIC!!!!!
Give it to me.
mercredi 27 mai 2009
jeudi 21 mai 2009
The French Saga: Learning to Walk
An Encyclopaedia of the Obvious
Translated from the Latin and Updated by Ariel Ranieri
Walking
Kingdom: Walkalot
Phylum: Walker
Class: Walking 101
Order: To Go, Cheeseburger with a Side of Fries. Please.
Genus: Walkitout
Walking (from the German ‘wandern’, meaning ‘wander aimlessly on your own time, I’m trying to get somewhere!’—usually directed at tourists in Paris): walking is something all humans over the age of two, to some extent, can normally grasp. Some people walk at a slow pace, some at a fast pace, and some at a comatose pace. These people do this on purpose to be frustrating.
Walking covers several different nuances of the same activity: one can use walking to mean simply putting one foot in front of the other, or to suggest moving via foot from one place to another, as from oen’s desk where one’s unfinished paper is sneering disdainfully to one’s bed, where one will move at the pace of comatose walkers for the next several hours.
In the second case, that of covering distance, there are often moments where many people are trying to walk in a very small space. This often results in people coming to a complete stop, people doing the dance of ‘Where Are You Going’ and other awkward situations. Thus, here are some rules for streetwalking (in the quotidian, platonic sense of the word) in the city:
1) There are certain people you may never plow over while walking. These include the blind, the differently-abled, the elderly, the pregnant, and the petite: children and mothers pushing strollers have right of way, even if the stroller is OBNOXIOUSLY large and carries OBNOXIOUSLY more children than that mother is really entitled.
2) There are certain people you may always plow through while walking. These include all except the above categories in situations such as (but certainly not limited to): someone is not paying attention and is about to walk into you, someone is purposely blocking your path, someone is inadvertently blocking your path, a group of three or more individuals is walking toward you and refuses to make room for you (HOWEVER note in this case that if you are also a group of three or more individuals and both groups do choose to plow through each other, both groups MUST whirl round angrily, start snapping, and go into a crazy dance number. You will hereafter be known as the Sharks and the Jets). If you are less than three people and you choose to plow through, be aware that the author of this encyclopedia is in no way responsible for wounds incurred or egos wounded, and accepts no responsibility for pickpocketed accoutrements.
In conclusion walking is necessary and often cumbersome; thus you should avoid it as much as possible. As a matter of fact, exiting your house is probably inadvisable in this day and age. You might get the grippe.
Translated from the Latin and Updated by Ariel Ranieri
Walking
Kingdom: Walkalot
Phylum: Walker
Class: Walking 101
Order: To Go, Cheeseburger with a Side of Fries. Please.
Genus: Walkitout
Walking (from the German ‘wandern’, meaning ‘wander aimlessly on your own time, I’m trying to get somewhere!’—usually directed at tourists in Paris): walking is something all humans over the age of two, to some extent, can normally grasp. Some people walk at a slow pace, some at a fast pace, and some at a comatose pace. These people do this on purpose to be frustrating.
Walking covers several different nuances of the same activity: one can use walking to mean simply putting one foot in front of the other, or to suggest moving via foot from one place to another, as from oen’s desk where one’s unfinished paper is sneering disdainfully to one’s bed, where one will move at the pace of comatose walkers for the next several hours.
In the second case, that of covering distance, there are often moments where many people are trying to walk in a very small space. This often results in people coming to a complete stop, people doing the dance of ‘Where Are You Going’ and other awkward situations. Thus, here are some rules for streetwalking (in the quotidian, platonic sense of the word) in the city:
1) There are certain people you may never plow over while walking. These include the blind, the differently-abled, the elderly, the pregnant, and the petite: children and mothers pushing strollers have right of way, even if the stroller is OBNOXIOUSLY large and carries OBNOXIOUSLY more children than that mother is really entitled.
2) There are certain people you may always plow through while walking. These include all except the above categories in situations such as (but certainly not limited to): someone is not paying attention and is about to walk into you, someone is purposely blocking your path, someone is inadvertently blocking your path, a group of three or more individuals is walking toward you and refuses to make room for you (HOWEVER note in this case that if you are also a group of three or more individuals and both groups do choose to plow through each other, both groups MUST whirl round angrily, start snapping, and go into a crazy dance number. You will hereafter be known as the Sharks and the Jets). If you are less than three people and you choose to plow through, be aware that the author of this encyclopedia is in no way responsible for wounds incurred or egos wounded, and accepts no responsibility for pickpocketed accoutrements.
In conclusion walking is necessary and often cumbersome; thus you should avoid it as much as possible. As a matter of fact, exiting your house is probably inadvisable in this day and age. You might get the grippe.
jeudi 14 mai 2009
The French Saga: Week ??????
Blogging:
Blogging, derivative of the latin 'web-logging', deriving from the Greek 'World Wide Web' and the Hebrew 'log', meaning 'wooden plank to be written on (or the action of writing on such a wooden plank) or built with'. Usage 'World Wide Web': 'I have created the World Wide Web, but it will not work for you for at least another several years, Odysseos' (Poseidon speaking to the way-worn hero Odysseos, book 804 of Homer's great poetic masterpiece, The Odyssey). Usages 'log': 'I was going to put the ten commandments on logs, but figured rocks were better for the environment' (God (this quote also claimed by Al Gore)); 'We need more logs for the Ark, the elephants are falling out' (Noah). The Romans, as usual, chose to change slightly what was already in existence and call it their own invention. In this way they are like Artists.
Blogging is a world-wide phenomenon. EVERYONE blogs. If you haven't got a blog you are not properly plugged in. See a psychiatrist immediately.
The best part about blogging is that you can talk about yourself and your experiences (however boring or poorly written your entries) for pages and pages and pages and pages, and you can assume that people read your blog. It's one of the great inventions of the modern world.
Also, if one has a blog, one usually creates it because one is off to do something important in one's life, or one is going through a big adjustment (getting wisdom teeth out is not viable since one's time in a waking state is not existent), or one has discovered the meaning of life and needs to share it, mini-series style, in a series of short bursts.
One MUST, if one has a blog, take frequent sabbaticals where one does not write ANYTHING. This usally means something is going on in your life that is actually i,portant and you either haven't the time or aren't interested in writing. (See date of last entry for example.)
Blogging, derivative of the latin 'web-logging', deriving from the Greek 'World Wide Web' and the Hebrew 'log', meaning 'wooden plank to be written on (or the action of writing on such a wooden plank) or built with'. Usage 'World Wide Web': 'I have created the World Wide Web, but it will not work for you for at least another several years, Odysseos' (Poseidon speaking to the way-worn hero Odysseos, book 804 of Homer's great poetic masterpiece, The Odyssey). Usages 'log': 'I was going to put the ten commandments on logs, but figured rocks were better for the environment' (God (this quote also claimed by Al Gore)); 'We need more logs for the Ark, the elephants are falling out' (Noah). The Romans, as usual, chose to change slightly what was already in existence and call it their own invention. In this way they are like Artists.
Blogging is a world-wide phenomenon. EVERYONE blogs. If you haven't got a blog you are not properly plugged in. See a psychiatrist immediately.
The best part about blogging is that you can talk about yourself and your experiences (however boring or poorly written your entries) for pages and pages and pages and pages, and you can assume that people read your blog. It's one of the great inventions of the modern world.
Also, if one has a blog, one usually creates it because one is off to do something important in one's life, or one is going through a big adjustment (getting wisdom teeth out is not viable since one's time in a waking state is not existent), or one has discovered the meaning of life and needs to share it, mini-series style, in a series of short bursts.
One MUST, if one has a blog, take frequent sabbaticals where one does not write ANYTHING. This usally means something is going on in your life that is actually i,portant and you either haven't the time or aren't interested in writing. (See date of last entry for example.)
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